Shaila Kibria

How far should a mother go to raise a child and shape her mind? 

When the child is a baby, a mother can do things for her, like change her diapers or feed her. The baby grows to be five years old, so a mother may go buy her school supplies for her, but she may ask her if the back pack should be a Dora or a Minnie Mouse one. As the child becomes a teenager, a mother may help her decide what course to take in high school, and ultimately, what university to go to.  But when a daughter becomes an adult, how much can her mother still influence her? What if this adult daughter chooses paths the mother disagrees with? How should the mother act? What should a mother do? Support her? Discuss it with her? She should judge her? Reprimand her?

To all mothers out there, and even fathers: children really, really want to do good, and want to please their parents, even to the risk of their happiness. Don’t do that to your children, don’t pressure them with what you want, rather than what they want. Support them and love them, and your children than can have the freedom to be happy. Their life is theirs, not  yours, but share in each other lives in a way that happiness can be achieved in both spheres, theirs and yours.

This is my first Christmas Day with my husband. He was brought up Christian.  We had Christmas dinner on the eve of the 25th with his family, and then today we went for Juma at the mosque with my family….he celebrated Eid for the first time, and I met with his family for Christmas. Participating in both celebrations brought me together with all our friends, family, neighbours….it was lovely and wonderful….but it brought to mind too clear of all the people not in our lives. My aunt who was in a car crash, the other aunt who died out of illness, my grandparents, friends….all of those who have passed away and they may rest in blessed peace. It also brought to heart all of those friends and family who have chosen to die in our hearts, if not in reality.  I stand back sometimes, astounded by the actions taken by some when they choose not to be friends anymore, mostly lost during the period I was going through my divorce, but others too.  

I am truly grateful to all my childhood friends, university friends, new friends, old friends and family for being in our lives, and for choosing to be in our lives, hundreds of friends and family who have chosen to be supportive through my divorce, through my marriage, throughout my life choices.  Thank you.  We have received your cards, emails and phone messages wishing us a merry Christmas, and before that, wishing us a Eid Mubarak.  Thank you, and more thank yous.

Okay, great. So a Muslim goes and kills innocent civilians, and guess what? The emails start coming saying, “Shaila, look, one of your brothers in Islam just entered heaven according to your religion, because he killed people in the name of Islam.”    Great.    So, then I have to pull open the Quranic verse again, type out yet another long email about Islam, just so I can give this yet another friend the proper definition of Islam (peace).  I have to go on yet another spheel on how this guy did something that I cannot explain, but Islam definitely doesn’t condone those actions. This morning, when I got the umpteenth email, I decided that no, I was not going to try to explain Islam anymore in a reactionary fashion.  Army Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan shoots thirteen people, I don’t know him, but yet I have to explain his actions because I happen to be Muslim????  It’s like me going to my neighbour and saying, “hey, you’re Christian, can you tell me why that pro-life man killed all those abortion supporters the other day…is that what Christianity condones???” 

Pick up a book, people, and read about your neighbours, your students, your teammates. Stop hurting Muslim kids in the school yard just because they are Muslim. Leave my kids alone. Stop hating on women in hijab, stop mistrusting the men in beards because of  your ignorance, and your inability to differentiate between lunacy and the true beauty of Islam.  Read.

To love is to suffer but still be open to life.  I don’t necessarily mean love in the romantic sense, I mean to love everything, whether it be a neighbour, friend, or a passerby.  Too often, doing something nice is considered weird, not normal.  If someone were to walk by, they will try their utmost to not look at you if you were to cross their path.  Or to smile at someone can be considered freaky.  To talk straight can be considered two-faced. How do we combat this? How do we love openly, love everyone, without suffering?

Taken from: http://www.debate.org/debates/The-New-Ten-Commandments/1/

I am not claiming that my list of moral edicts is necessarily more ethical than those found in the Hebrew Bible, although I think that they clearly are. I am claiming that in an idealized world where people always followed my list we would live in a much safer, more compassionate, and generally happier world than one in which the original ten were followed with equal assiduousness.

1.) Do not believe anything without good reason or evidence. Indeed, allow reason and the scientific method to guide your beliefs about the world.

2.) Do not pretend to know things you don’t really know and always allow yourself to be open to evidence and reason.

3.) Do not hoard your money or be absorbed by greed. Let generosity to the Earth’s less fortunate be at the forefront of your daily life.

4.) Do not do unto others what you would find repulsive if it were done to you.

5.) Do not deprive others of their life, liberty, property or their pursuit of happiness and don’t treat them purely as a means to some selfish end unless by doing this you would cause greater suffering.

6.) Do not discriminate against anyone on the basis of gender, nationality, species, ethnicity, or sexual orientation and don’t violate the preferences that people may hold, insofar as those preferences aren’t reprehensible.

7.) Make a general practice of reducing suffering in the world and increasing overall levels of happiness among living creatures.

8.) In all things try to refrain from harming conscious creatures and let compassion be a pivotal factor in the decisions that you make.

9.) Try to be motivated by love and a general concern for the well being of others.

10.) Encourage your children to study math, science, philosophy and literature to the best of their abilities.

I have some suspicions that the ending part of my 5th commandment will raise grief with certain people so allow me to unpack it. Murderers, rapists, and arsonists can be jailed or justifiably be killed in acts of self-defense etc. That’s really all that I mean by it. On a side note the list isn’t necessarily arranged from most to least important.

Taken from: http://www.debate.org/debates/The-New-Ten-Commandments/1/

I now know why my ex-husband left me. It took me this long to figure it out.  There is the bigger plan. Whether we write it or whether God writes it (depending on what you believe) there is a bigger plan.  My ex-husband announced the end of our marriage three days after I lost the provincial elections - although he supported me, worked hard with me, and helped me like crazy during the campaign - he decided it was over. This is when I went to my moms with the kids.  My mom and many others blame the elections, the political party, and me for being a candidate.  The common saying I heard from the moment I moved into my moms was “You shouldn’t have run for the elections” or  “a husband never wants his wife to succeed more than him” or “you should have been a better wife”, or finally, “Shaila, isn’t home and family more important than community work”.  These words plagued me for the next two years, even after I remarried and settled into a new home with my new husband. I used to think about my ex-husband over and over, thinking “I never made myself to be more important than him”,   or “I never made the community work more important than my children and husband”, or “blah blah blah”……..

With my current husband I went to visit my ex-husband last night.   I looked around and realised (almost two decades later) why our marriage didn’t work.  I held his new wife’s photo in my hand and it hit me that I wasn’t what he had wanted.   She looked so different from me.  Just from the way she dressed and styled herself I realised that I could never do and dress or be the way she is.   I also saw that if he didn’t decide to leave me, I would never have been able to be me.  My current husband is not just tolerating me, but is happy to support me, to elevate me in my work, and to help me in my work because he also believes  my work is his work.  We share the same passions in the same way.  A friend recently told me that you need a team in anything you do, and I have learned that.  My ex-husband and his wife are now a new team, and my current husband and I are a new team.   These teams needed to be formed in order for our life to carry out whatever it is that we are supposed to carry out.  Maybe if I had stayed with my ex-husband, if he never decided that it was over, than our work of reaching our goal would never have been reached. My ex-husband can now reach his goals without worry about my work interfering with that, and I can reach mine without feeling guilty that my spouse is unhappy.  

Current Situation:

At least 528 people are dead and 2,000 badly injured (Indonesian National News figures), with Padang city (226 dead) and Padang Parianman District (75 dead) being the worst affected. 80 peoples still are trapped under rubble in one hotel in Padang city. International news stations including the BBC and IRIN are reporting much higher casualty figures (over 1,000) and the situation may change rapidly as more information becomes available.

The epicentre of the 7.6-magnitude quake was about 50km (30 miles) off the coast of the Indonesian island, near the city of Padang. The earthquake struck at 17:16 local time (10:16 GMT) some 85km under the sea, north-west of Padang, causing a small Tsunami. A second Earthquake then struck at 17:38 local time measuring 6.2 magnitude. A tsunami watch issued by the Pacific Tsunami Warning Centre in the wake of the Indonesian quake has been lifted.

There are reports of widespread destruction to buildings, roads and bridges, caused by the earthquakes and several subsequent landslides; several building has collapsed and fires have been reported around Padang city, including one which caused severe damage to the local market. Telecommunications and power lines are damaged disrupting communication networks, phone lines and electricity.

According to reports in the affected area a hospital in Padang City, the University of Andalas, and hundreds of houses are reportedly damaged, Hundreds of residents are apparently still trapped in multi story building.

A large number of building have collapsed or are severely damaged. These include; The Department of Marine Fisheries of West Sumatra Province (collapsed), Office of Financial Management Regions West Sumatera Province (collapsed), Bappeda West Sumatra Province (heavily damaged), a Mosque (heavily damaged) and a large numbers of hotels, shops and residential buildings.

Heavy rain is still pouring at Padang City and Padang Pariaman District causing disruption to the rescue effort and stones and mud to slide down the hills onto roads and houses.

Current Needs:

·         Food and potable water will be required by the IDPs and survivors in Padang, Padang Pariaman, Mentawai, Pariaman District at least for 2 months period. 

·         It is predicted that 100,000 plastic sheeting will be required for temporary shelter, and tents where possible would be preferable.

·         Clothing: shirts in immediate need for children, blanket for the IDPs.

·         Some medical treatment for injuries. 

·         Temporary latrines in IDPs sites and water for sanitation purposes.

Current Response:

·         The response is being coordinated on the ground by the BNPB (National Board of Disaster Management) supported by 7 Ministries.  It is still not clear whether UN-OCHA will activate cluster approach or not.

·         UN-OCHA and UNICEF have sent one team to do assessment and provide relief items.  

·         The Pusdalops Building Disaster (Crisis Center) West Sumatra Province  is undertaking response efforts despite sever damage to their buildings.

·         Padang Emergency field hospital is being established using tents.

·         Heavy equipment has also been lowered to evacuate victims buried in building rubble.

Islamic Relief’s Current Intervention:

·         A team is being sent by road, and will arrive in Padang tomorrow (2^nd October)

·         IR is currently preparing for interventions and has the following stocks available:

o   150 tents,

o   One water purifier machine that can produce water 5,000 litre per hour.

o   Two generators.

o   2,100 additional tents are available in Dubai should they be required

o   7 vehicles and 30 motorbikes

o   Warehousing space through government allocation or private sector.

o   88 staff, including expertise in shelter, watsan, Nutrition, emergency relief distribution. 

·         IR also is in constant contact with UN-OCHA, UNICEF, Oxfam, and members of WASH Cluster.

·         In 2008/2009 IRI undertook a watsan intervention in Padang Pariaman District and has drilled 22 wells and trained some local communities in water supply system. Thus giving us a good understanding of the communities in the area and their needs.

Future Plans:

Islamic Relief plans to support 2,000 households in the current days with an initial allocation of 50,000 GPB from IRUK.

The intervention for emergency response will most likely be in the form of transporting existing stocks of tents in for temporary shelter, operating water purifier to provide water, operating generator to activate existing IR drilled wells. 

Islamic Relief is planning on submitting proposals to the DEC and UNOCHA in the following days. The DEC will make a decision by the end of the day whether an appeal will be launched. However, if this goes ahead it will most likely be a ‘South Asia Appeal’ responding to crisis’s in Indonesia, Vietnam and the Philippines.

None Food Items:

Based on our lesson learnt from Jogjakarta Earthquake Response and Indonesia custom regulation, please be aware with following restricted and prohibited items:

1.       Used items (garment, furniture)

2.       Food items

3.       Medicine

4.       Animal and plantation

5.       Vehicle and heavy equipment, due to custom restriction for imported vehicles

So, my daughter had an asthma attack, and the doctor took eight hours to show up. My dad was seriously sick….where was the doctor? My best friend had serious breathing problems, she had to come home because she was in the waiting room over 6 hours and still no doctor….

This, brothers and sisters, is our new Brampton shiny, state of the art, hospital. SHAME! It is common for Brampton folks to drive to Georgetown or Mississauga for service. We pay serious dollars into our hospitals.  We pride ourselves for having free health care.  I am concerned, SERIOUSLY concerned that our new hospital in Brampton cannot even service us when we need them the most.  I invite you to join my committee to make change in health care. Please email me at shailakibria@yahoo.ca if you are interested.

Sisters all over!

Ontario New Democrat MPPs Andrea Horwath and Cheri DiNovo are leading an event WOMEN TOGETHER, aimed at encouraging women to take a bigger part in politics, and to introduce potential candidates,  Party members, supporters, friends and others, to the nuts and bolts of getting elected.
And let’s make clear that men are invited, too!
 
Please keep this date in your diary:
 
Monday, 5 October, 2009. Reception  6.30 p.m., dinner at 7 p.m.
Place: CAW 1285 Hall, 23 Regan Road, Brampton (at Bovaird and McLaughlin Roads — easy reach from 401, 407, 410.)
Tickets: $25.

Women Party members who have run for office are asked to make their experience and knowledge available to everyone.

Volunteer now (contact me if interested)
Order your tickets now.

Find out about sponsorship now.
Contact:
Edna Toth
Mississauga
905 826-5041
 
See you at the event!!!

So, this summer has been filled with many events for me, a lot of them religious based….and I have to say that I enjoy the events because of some the people I meet, bu I definitely do not enjoy what I am hearing from some of the others. We are born with an innate sense to do good - that is my theory, a theory that has developed through my experience of dealing with thousands of people.  I don’t think that we have to keep hearing “You are going to go to hell if you don’t behave”, or “Allah has a spot saved in hell for you if you steal”.  Those words, in my opinion, bring about a sense of fear and negativity that we can all do without.  Rather, we can focus on positivity, love and peace, something that through my readings and interpretations I have found in Islam, or in the general spirituality of humanity.  We can do things for the simple love of humanity, the universe, and God, rather than fearing hell.

I scorn fear mongerers: people who continue to threaten an audience with the all simplified “do this, you are being watched and may go to hell” statement makers.  It is more natural to preach peace then fear. Why then are we going in flocks to listen to fear mongerers at events, rather than intellectually feel the spirit, peace and love of God, religion and humanity.  

We can truly do good for the love of humanity, earth and God, rather than doing good out of fear of hell or punishment.