Shaila Kibria

That’s what a few government officials say when I talk to them about unions. This scares me.  To think that Members of Parliament may have this opinion about unions: “Unions, they are a bunch of lazy selfish people”.  Unions are organizations that are out their only because people vote for them, and the government chooses to ignore this? 

Two weeks ago I heard of Brampton Punjabi-Canadian women being treated with very little dignity, very little pay, and no benefits, no pension.  Last week I heard of Sudbury women having to work for more than they are paid, and the companies acknowledge it.

Saturday night I attended an event organized for the families of the mine workers in the north.  The mining companies are making billions, yet the workers do not have complete benefits or full pensions. How are families supposed to commit to a company, if they cannot commit to the employees?

Unions are made up of employees who vote them in. Unions ensure that employees are paid a fair wage.  Unions also involve the families of the employees by bringing in the family drug benefits, health benefits, pension plans. Unions help the community through advocacy and funding for hospitals, schools, and more.  Unions bring families together on issues that are important to the community. 

Managements all over the world have benefitted from unions as well. Because unions have implemented maternity leaves, drug benefits and pensions, management has also allowed themselves the right to these necessities. Infact, many in management do not join a company unless these are available.  What is sad, is that these same managers may not bestow these rights to their employees once they join on.  

Many have also said that unions are not benefitting society anymore……well, if unions are not benefitting society anymore, why are unions constantly being called to help the work force, why are they still being called when workers are being harrassed, why are unions still being called when workers are not paid for overtime work. What sickens me the most, the MOST, is when women are treated like crap in a company…the feminist revolution occured 600 years ago when the Qur’an was introduced to the people, but more recently in North America during the sixties. Why then, are women still being treated badly?  Unions are called in…and once they are in, women, men, and families are given dignity. 

When I was up North this past two weeks, I heard the stories from the men working in the mines, stories like how they built the community, raised their families, gave all they had to the mining company…yet when the mining company did not want to pay benefits properly, the mining company brought in scabs to work without benefits, putting the men out of work…some of the men who have given 30 years or more to the mines.  The union is now helping these families come together to ensure their jobs are back soon.

My words to the government:  You are ignoring the voice of the people when you do not treat unions as stakeholders of the community. People vote for unions to come into their lives, so by allowing companies to enter Canada and not recognize unions is like ignoring the rights and the voice of the people.

 (photo taken from my friend’s facebook page)

Maghrib prayer was right after the Olympics hockey game today. So as Canadians all over the world rushed to celebrate the gold, we sat with our hands up to maghrib prayer (the fourth prayer of the day, there are five).  As we prayed, my husband stated something that resonated in my soul, my heart and mind.  As a huge hockey fan, he was grateful that the Canadians won the gold, but as a human being with a conscience, he prayed that nations would come together - just like they did in the Olympics - to solve poverty. Not just through meetings at the G8 or G20, but through action.  I paused in my prayer to think about this.

So much money was spent on the Olmpics by each nation, it was so great to see the splendour, the glamour, the greatness of each nation, my family and I sat together as much as we could these past 17 days to celebrate the great athletes around the world, especially the Canadians, but in the end of the day, there is something that nags each of our consciences…will nations spend this much time and effort to solve poverty? To solve oppression? To bring about justice?

My husband mentioned how in the old times the Greeks and other nations would pause their wars to play the Olympics.  I hope through the hard won golds, silvers and bronzes, athletes can not only pause the wars in their countries, but use their hero-ism to end all wars….and as a result, end poverty.

Jessica Seinfield's brownies made with healthy alternatives

Last week I had declared a “NO JUNK FOOD” proclamation, announcing a ban on all junk food. So on the third day of my “NO JUNK FOOD” week, I had a great pang and desire for serious junk food, serious chocolate.  I needed energy. Tea, honey, or nothing would do it. I was going to crash.  But I REALLY didn’t want to break my proclamation.  I took Kim’s advice, and had my sister’s warm home made cupcake with my tea, and it hit the spot.  He said to have atleast one junk food a week, or so, not to go to the extreme.  (read his response to my blog last week www.shailakibria.ca) I also looked back at Camille’s advice (on facebook) to try out the brownie recipie for the next time I have a junk food craving - she provided me with a recipie that has no butter or sugar, yet the cocoa to hit the chocolate cravers like me with satisfaction and no guilt!  (I have shared her recipe below)

I also complained to my doctor about my flab, and he suggested that I add in a half hour of weight training to my half hour of cardio three times a week. I did (painful!!) He said I should see results in three months.

My son’s drum teacher, Alberto, came to teach my son, and I noticed how much weight he lost. I asked him how he did it, he said he drank a bottle of water every hour. So, what did I do? I took a bottle from the cupboard, and filled it every hour (watch out for the washroom runs!!!)

I was talking on the phone with Nazia, and she told me a story of a woman who had two boiled eggs every morning for breakfast, so I took to having two boiled eggs for breakfast….and I felt full longer…..good stuff, good protein.

And finally, I tried a blouse on at Le Chateau, not even the extra large fit, and the lady said, “please go to the gym and eat smaller portions, but many times a day”…she just said it outright, I think she just couldn’t be polite, she had to be honest, and with my daughters standing at my side, I couldn’t agree more…we need to look after ourselves.

So, Dr.Tautkus, Camille, Kim, Nazia, Alberto, and the salesperson at Le Chateau, I don’t know what worked, BUT I LOST 5 POUNDS THIS PAST WEEK!  I am telling you, this is a serious break through, as for the last 15 months, NOTHING has made my weight budge.  THANK YOU for you care, support, and advice.

I also want to thank my husband and children for helping me through my cravings…..they are my strenth and support.

More on this to come next week.

And as promised above, here is the recipe Camille provided:

Deceptively Delicious Brownies by Jessica Seinfeld.

These brownies fool everyone! You won’t believe how scrumptious they are (or how good they are for you) until you make them yourself. Just don’t serve them warm — it’s not until they’re completely cool that the spinach flavor totally disappears.

Prep: 15 minutes
Total: 55 minutes
Yield: 12 brownies

Ingredients

Nonstick cooking spray
3 ounces semisweet or bittersweet chocolate
1/2 cup carrot puree (After peeling and trimming the ends, steam for 10-12 minutes and then puree in a food processor for 2 minutes)
1/2 cup spinach puree (Steam for 30 to seconds, then puree in a food processor for 2 minutes)
1/2 cup firmly packed light or dark brown sugar
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tablespoons trans-fat-free soft tub margarine spread
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
2 large egg whites
3/4 cup oat flour, or all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F. Coat an 8×8-inch baking pan with cooking spray.
2. Melt the chocolate in a double boiler or over a very low flame.
3. In a large bowl, combine the melted chocolate, vegetable purees, sugar, cocoa powder, margarine, and vanilla, and whisk until smooth and creamy, 1 to 2 minutes.
4. Whisk in egg whites. Stir in the flour, baking powder, and salt with a wooden spoon.
5. Pour the batter into the pan and bake 35 to 40 minutes. Cool completely in the pan before cutting into 12 bars.

These brownies are low in calories (only 133 per brownie) and saturated fat. They’re also packed with 3 grams of fiber (which is just crazy for a brownie!), while spinach and carrots provide two powerful antioxidants that help your kids’ eyes stay healthy.

My friend Lydia Robertson sends her friends a newsletter of all her advice, thoughts and ideas about life, homes, eating, etc…

Just recently she sent us the meanings for roses. I thought it may useful for those of us that celebrate Valentine’s Day.  Here goes:

Red Rose: Love, I love you, respect, courage

Pink Rose: Perfect happiness, please believe me

Deep Pink: Thank you

Light Pink: Admiration

Dark Crimson: Mourning

White: Innocence

White and Red together: Unity

Yellow: Friendship, joy and happines, jealousy

Bouquet of roses in full bloom: Gratitude

Garland or crown of Roses: Reward of merit

Single full bloom: I love you, I still love you

Tea Rose: I’ll remember, always

Thornless: Love at first sight

Rose bud: Beauty and youth, heart of innocent love

Red Rosebud: Pure and lovely

Rose Leaf: You may hope

So, this is a problem I have, my sweet tooth.

I see a kitkat bar, or a aero bar, and I’m gone….gone to reach for it and just eat it.  When I see a bag of chocolate chip cookies, I say “Okay, I’ll just have one” - and then I have two, three, and then I say, “May as well finish the whole pack so that I don’t feel tempted anymore. If they are gone, no temptation, right?”.  So, I finish the whole pack of sweet yummy chocolate chip cookies.

When I reached 165 lbs, I decided enough is enough.  So today I went to the gym and tried the tread mill, this time, REALLY tried it, and made myself sweat. I hit the weights, and REALLY pushed.

My youngest daughter helped me by putting up a calendar ON THE FRIDGE where I would write down every bit of junk food, food, drink, tea, etc.

After a day of telling my colleagues, friends and family about my “new start” on life, I am worried that I may go for the kit kat bar sitting on my counter before I go to bed. So, I made myself a cup of tea with honey in it. I am hoping that it will curb my sweet tooth. 

When I finally lay on my bed, knowing that I have not touched any junk food today, I will rejoice and fall into a sleep of sweet bliss. Wish me luck. More o this tomorrow.

I remember the first time I got married, I was seventeen. The pressures were immense. I had to wear a sari every day, I had to wear make-up to the max, and gold jewelery.  My arms had to be full of bangles, or “God forbid”, what would people say, a “bride with no jewellery!”. My anxiety level would rise when my in-laws would be displeased, because I would say the wrong thing, or wear the wrong thing, or talk to the wrong person.  There would be hungry people to feed, problems to solve, but no, I had to spend three hours a day making sure I had the right sari on, and the crazy bridal makeup done everyday.  And everytime I did something “wrong”, I would hear blame put on my parents for raising me without the proper trainings of wearing a sari, or whatever.  I could never please them.

I think of the pressures that some new brides still go through.   How these little things still displease their in-laws, and how I feel so grateful that my new in-laws will never never expect me to fullfill these mundane so-called desires.  I see new brides at parties, other weddings, shopping malls, and I stop and ask how their new family is, how they are, and tears of sadness would come to their eyes. 

It is important, really important, for in-laws to step back from pressuring their daughter-in-laws with the ways that they themselves left behind in South Asia 40 years ago, and step up to the times. I don’t mean turn on the music and dance, I just mean loosen up, chill, give the girl a break.  Let her feel like a part of the family, not a maid or a 24 hour model - for heaven’s sake.

How far should a mother go to raise a child and shape her mind? 

When the child is a baby, a mother can do things for her, like change her diapers or feed her. The baby grows to be five years old, so a mother may go buy her school supplies for her, but she may ask her if the back pack should be a Dora or a Minnie Mouse one. As the child becomes a teenager, a mother may help her decide what course to take in high school, and ultimately, what university to go to.  But when a daughter becomes an adult, how much can her mother still influence her? What if this adult daughter chooses paths the mother disagrees with? How should the mother act? What should a mother do? Support her? Discuss it with her? She should judge her? Reprimand her?

To all mothers out there, and even fathers: children really, really want to do good, and want to please their parents, even to the risk of their happiness. Don’t do that to your children, don’t pressure them with what you want, rather than what they want. Support them and love them, and your children than can have the freedom to be happy. Their life is theirs, not  yours, but share in each other lives in a way that happiness can be achieved in both spheres, theirs and yours.

This is my first Christmas Day with my husband. He was brought up Christian.  We had Christmas dinner on the eve of the 25th with his family, and then today we went for Juma at the mosque with my family….he celebrated Eid for the first time, and I met with his family for Christmas. Participating in both celebrations brought me together with all our friends, family, neighbours….it was lovely and wonderful….but it brought to mind too clear of all the people not in our lives. My aunt who was in a car crash, the other aunt who died out of illness, my grandparents, friends….all of those who have passed away and they may rest in blessed peace. It also brought to heart all of those friends and family who have chosen to die in our hearts, if not in reality.  I stand back sometimes, astounded by the actions taken by some when they choose not to be friends anymore, mostly lost during the period I was going through my divorce, but others too.  

I am truly grateful to all my childhood friends, university friends, new friends, old friends and family for being in our lives, and for choosing to be in our lives, hundreds of friends and family who have chosen to be supportive through my divorce, through my marriage, throughout my life choices.  Thank you.  We have received your cards, emails and phone messages wishing us a merry Christmas, and before that, wishing us a Eid Mubarak.  Thank you, and more thank yous.

Okay, great. So a Muslim goes and kills innocent civilians, and guess what? The emails start coming saying, “Shaila, look, one of your brothers in Islam just entered heaven according to your religion, because he killed people in the name of Islam.”    Great.    So, then I have to pull open the Quranic verse again, type out yet another long email about Islam, just so I can give this yet another friend the proper definition of Islam (peace).  I have to go on yet another spheel on how this guy did something that I cannot explain, but Islam definitely doesn’t condone those actions. This morning, when I got the umpteenth email, I decided that no, I was not going to try to explain Islam anymore in a reactionary fashion.  Army Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan shoots thirteen people, I don’t know him, but yet I have to explain his actions because I happen to be Muslim????  It’s like me going to my neighbour and saying, “hey, you’re Christian, can you tell me why that pro-life man killed all those abortion supporters the other day…is that what Christianity condones???” 

Pick up a book, people, and read about your neighbours, your students, your teammates. Stop hurting Muslim kids in the school yard just because they are Muslim. Leave my kids alone. Stop hating on women in hijab, stop mistrusting the men in beards because of  your ignorance, and your inability to differentiate between lunacy and the true beauty of Islam.  Read.

To love is to suffer but still be open to life.  I don’t necessarily mean love in the romantic sense, I mean to love everything, whether it be a neighbour, friend, or a passerby.  Too often, doing something nice is considered weird, not normal.  If someone were to walk by, they will try their utmost to not look at you if you were to cross their path.  Or to smile at someone can be considered freaky.  To talk straight can be considered two-faced. How do we combat this? How do we love openly, love everyone, without suffering?